[all about me - special edition]

oh, man, these are good. List 1 in 1/3 of its glory:

"my child is an artist"
"my life is messed"
"my life is crazy"
"my life is a disaster"
"my temper is ruining my life"
"my laptop screen is sideways"
"my period is a week early"
"my child is constipated"
"my shoes are too big"
"my girl friend is sleeping"